Monday, November 1, 2010

lost in technology...

All this has only made me more delusional. Lying on a bed 14,000 kms away from home, it suddenly struck me too. People have called this chill "the sinking feeling". Right when the lights were off and the laptop was out of my sight and I look up towards the ceiling. I have never been struck with this nostalgia before. Others have been palak paneer, lassi, indian supermarket in jersey city, paan waalah in Atlanta, B4U music + cricket talks with cricket fan, kashmir etc. But never before A ceiling. I know where it is coming from though. It is something I dazed towards until the I dozed off. May be few sleepless nights made it more dearer in period of time.

Now, there is something different about this nostalgia though. It's not the celebrations, it's not the memories of someone, it's not the love. It's purely me. Purely me who has lost touch with home place. Come to think about it many such nostalgic moments have been take care off by who .. wait ..

Communication technology! technology has made me delusional. It has helped me forget oh no not forget but shift my eyes off the glaring fact that I am 14,000 kms away from my home. It has lead me to believe that my mom's voice is not that far away, my friends chat wisdoms are not too distant, my cousins' leh venture is just a facebook away, my right there all the time. It has kept me away from home and still brought all the movies I wanted to watch right at my lap. It has still brought my cricket live to me. It has shown me those diyaas once already and is gonna happen again this Diwali.

So all this, though sounds praise worthy, is scary. I am sure it's not just me who feels this way. How can this new place in middle of nowhere be my new home? how can I just by voices, or decoded live digital images of my loved ones, be so sure they are All right? I can never be. How can they be so sure to believe I still exist for they haven't seen me .. i haven't seen them .. touched or sensed each other ... ??

I could very well be butchered to digitized image of myself, digitized voice of myself, digitized awaaz of myself, digitized intelligence... they don't really know I exist. well turn the tables around - i don't either :( :(